she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All the doctor said was why
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize