he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
