my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize