But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
