you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
