She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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