Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
