I want to make a zoo with you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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