I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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