So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
