Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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