Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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