Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
