You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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