names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
