matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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