yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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