I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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