Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
