My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
