sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
