Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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