I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize