also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
