I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize