people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
