He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
