Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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