I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
