I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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