oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
