3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you never un-have a 4some
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
