I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
