Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
