Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
