Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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