sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
