i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
