I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
