i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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