I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
