good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
