If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
