when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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