Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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