Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
