I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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