My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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