i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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