No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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