would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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