My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
