is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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