I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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