I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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