Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
