Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My penis needs a shock collar
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
