Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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