Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
