I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
