He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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