look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
