Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
