At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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