I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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