Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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