Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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