Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We are two peas in an std pod
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
