I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
