I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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